Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and an anorexic prostitute?
A: A fake dollar is a phony buck.
What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess and Jello?
Jello wiggles when you eat it!
Q: What's the difference between a cricketer and a condom?
A: The cricketer drops the catch, and the condom catches the drop.
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Did you hear about the gay guy who wears a nicotine patch on his
penis?
He's down to about three butts a day!
SEX: The only activity where you start at the top and work your way
to the bottom, while getting a raise.
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q. Why was the nearsighted fly starving?
A. He couldn't see shit.
.
How many animals fit in a condom.
A cock and a few hares.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Blondes don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in Jacuzzis
This young couple has been trying to have a baby.
After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't having any luck.
"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks Frank, the husband.
"What's 'ejaculate'?" asks Frank.
"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained the doctor patiently.
The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then asks,
"Do you mean the gooey white stuff?
Well, my little honey says it's icky... so I shoot it into the pillow."
This young lady, sitting in a wheelchair at the local city pub, said that she had to leave.
Her drinking companion Bill, being somewhat of a noble fellow, decided that -- as her home was uphill and some streets away -- offered to push her home.
On the way home, they stopped to rest and to chat.
Full of alcoholic bravado, he remarked that she was a good looking gal and that it was too bad that, being a cripple, she probably didn't get much chance for any normal escapades.
Surprisingly, she answered quite boldly that this was not the case.
In fact, she said, "if you look in this alleyway you will see a hook imbedded in the wall. If you will attach my braces to that hook, we can easily have a fine time."
No sooner said than done and they had a wonderful time.
At the end, he carefully unhooked her, placed her back in the wheelchair, and took her home.
As he was saying goodnight, her father came to the door and invited the young man in for a nightcap after he took his daughter up to bed.
When he came down, the father was so friendly and nice that Bill's conscience began to prod him.
Blushing somewhat, he admitted to the father that he had "had his way" with his daughter.
The father took the statement with such good graces that Bill had to ask why he was being treated so well after doing such a dastardly thing to his daughter.
The father looked at him quite seriously and said, "I knew you were a good man the moment you came in the door.
Most of her other dates leave her hanging on that damn hook!"
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"
A virile, young Italian man was relaxing at his favorite bar in Milan, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom for sex.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,
"So... you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love-making resumed.
This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion.
The love-making ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks,
"Now, you finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
The exhausted Italian falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again,
"You finish?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear,
"No, I Swedish!"
--
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